It was the look of pure hunger. January 29, 2010
Posted by Tony Schaab in Excerpts from my published writings.Tags: dead history, living dead press, outer space zombies, zombie anthology, zombie fiction, zombies on the moon
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Hi again, everyone! This is another exciting post for me, as yet another of my stories has been released in print! The book is titled “Dead History: A Zombie Anthology,” and all the stories contained within are about zombies existing in different eras of time. Even though many stories will put zombies hundreds if not thousands of years in the past (or future, I suppose), my story, “The Eagle Has Reanimated,” deals with the not-too-distant past of just a few decades ago.
This is the big one, peeps…this is the story that I am the proudest of, a 12,000-word novella that really was a labor of love for me. Not only does the work stem directly with the “original ” zombie outbreak from George Romero’s classic 1968 film “Night of the Living Dead,” I was able to incorporate another of my “loves,” astronomy and the NASA space program in particular. When i first decided to submit a story for this anthology, I knew I wanted to tell a tale that could put zombies in a place that they may have never been before. The viable locations here on our planet seemed sorely limited, so I thought to my self, “Self, why not put zombies on the Moon?” That thought was followed immediately by the thoughts, “Great idea! I don’t think that’s ever been done before,” and “Okay…now how the Hell are you going to get them up there?” Since man has only been to the Moon once, it seemed the logical choice to tell the story of how zombies might infiltrate NASA and get their hungry little mouths up to our satellite.
A ridiculous amount of research went into this story. I wanted it to be as historically accurate as possible, and the vast majority of what you read in the story — with the exception of the zombie-related mayhem, of course — is based on the information about Kennedy Space Center, the Apollo XI mission, and the people associated with NASA that I painstakingly learned from various factual websites, encyclopedias, and other historical data. The resulting story is, I believe, a great one, and was selected to be the first story of the book, a definitive honor, as many anthology editors unofficially put the “best” stories first so that people picking up the book in a store get hooked by the first stuff they read.
In any case, I of course want to share an excerpt from the story with you. There are only 13 stories in this book, whereas the other anthologies I have been a part of have had 20+ stories each; this most likely means that my story takes up a good chunk of this book, probably at least 20% of the total pages. I strongly encourage anyone who is intrigued to read my writing to buy this book, as this will give you the most words I have written so far all in one place. You can CLICK HERE to buy the book from Amazon.com — and if you buy, be sure to give it a nice review so others will be encouraged to buy as well! 
Okay, here’s the snippet…enjoy!
Albert quickly stood back up, the mental haze of being awake in the middle of the night suddenly replaced by his training taking over and telling him what to do. He turned and looked through the windows of the tiny station to the north, where the sound had seemed to come from. Beyond the halo of the streetlight that hung directly over the guard station, all was dark and seemingly calm. Albert picked up his flashlight, instinctively patted his gun holster on his right side to ensure that the firearm was still there (it was), and stepped out onto the road. He walked a few steps to the edge of lighted circle, clicked on his flashlight, and swung the beam around in the darkness.
“Hello?” he called out authoritatively, using his army training to keep his voice calm and his nerves steeled. “Is there anyone out here?” Traditionally Post 12 was a very quiet duty, but occasionally there would be a larger animal that would try to wander out of the reserve and onto the Space Center property, or a civilian car would wander down the unmarked Avenue J and wind up, miles later, at Post 12’s crossbar and barbed-wire fence that separated wildlife reserve from government base and research center. But those instances were usually few and far between, and rarely happened in the middle of the night on a Monday morning, so Albert had to make sure he thoroughly checked out any strange situations.
After piercing the darkness with his flashlight for a few minutes, directing the beam up the roughly-paved street and off onto the sides of the road where the underbrush wasn’t so thick, Albert was just about to give up and head back into the guard station when he heard the noise again. A groan, a noise a man or an animal might make if hurt or in pain. He saw movement slightly up the road, and as the figure drew closer, he could see it was a human – a woman.
She looked like she was badly hurt. She was walking with a severe limp, and had what appeared to be blood splattered all over her pants and most of her shirt. Albert looked more closely, and he could actually see one of the woman’s leg bones jutting out through her skin at a gruesome angle. She looked up at him with vacant eyes and groaned.
Dead History: A Zombie Anthology
That’s not a stake you’re holding, it’s a letter opener. January 21, 2010
Posted by Tony Schaab in Excerpts from my published writings.Tags: indiana authors, vampire anthology, vampire short story
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Exciting news: another book that contains one of my stories has officially been released! “Eternal Night: A Vampire Anthology” hit the bookshelves this week, and you can click here to order it directly from Amazon.com. This was the first vampire story I’ve ever written, and I’m happy to say the story’s details, replete with the signature Tony Schaab Twist, came very easily to me.
As always, I would like to share a little snippet of the story here, for all of you faithful readers. Comments and feedback are always welcomed and appreciated, whether it be from the section of the story printer here or if you have the opportunity to read the full story. Enjoy!
Before he could talk himself out of it, Trent grabbed the backpack and headed into the office building. He checked the directory in the lobby and headed up to the third floor, where the Red Cross office was located. He entered the office, walked down a long hallway, and cautiously entered the first room he came to. A young woman looked up at him from a desk just inside the door and smiled. “Hi there, can I help you?”
Upon entering the room and looking around, Trent noticed that Brandon was sitting at another desk in the far corner of the room, chatting on the phone. When Brandon recognized Trent, he hung up the phone and waved to him. “Hey Trent, what’s up? Come on over.”
Trent smiled at the young woman and made his way across the room to Brandon’s desk. Brandon, who didn’t get up, reached out and shook Trent’s hand. “How’s it going, man? Wicked party last night, I’m surprised you are up and mobile today.”
Trent smiled and he sat down and stifled a yawn. “Yeah, well, you gotta do what you gotta do, know what I mean? Fortunately today is a rare Saturday off of work for me, so I figured it wouldn’t kill me to get up at the crack of Noon, especially after last night’s shindig.”
Brandon laughed slightly as he reclined in his desk chair, propping his feet up on the end of the desk. “I hear ya. So, what’s going on? What brings you to this neck of the woods today? Feeling the need to donate and ‘give back?’ After all the brain cells we killed last night, you may want to think twice about letting any more cells leave your body.” He winked at Trent.
Eh, Trent thought, the guy probably doesn’t get much opportunity to throw around blood-related jokes, let him enjoy his moment. He laughed half-heartedly as he looked absent-mindedly around the room. “Good call, man! But no, not here to donate or anything.” He continued speaking as he unzipped his bookbag: “I came by to see if you might be able to shed some light on this.” He pulled the bottle out of the bag and placed in lightly on the desk.
The smiled faded slowly from Brandon’s face as he fixated on the bottle. Without averting his gaze, he said, “Sarah, will you excuse us for a moment, please?”
Trent swiveled in his chair. Sarah, the girl sitting at the desk by the door, stared at Brandon for a moment. Then she nodded silently, got up from her desk, and left the room. Trent turned back to Brandon to see that the young man’s face had suddenly become very serious.
Eternal Night: A Vampire Anthology (2010)
Do the “Hellen Keller” and talk with your hips. January 20, 2010
Posted by Tony Schaab in (P)review.Tags: 3oh3, conan o'brien, daybreakers, golden globes, jim nantz, ricky gervais, up in the air
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Howdy, boys, girls, and question marks! Lots of fun stuff to share with you today, including getting chatty about the Golden Globes, some dish about a few movies (and previews!) I had the chance to see this weekend, and of course yet-another update about my current experiences in the crazy world of writing. Let’s jump right in, shall we?
Sunday night I, like many Americans (at least 17 or so), watched the Golden Globes. Unlike most Americans, however, I watched mostly to see Ricky Gervais, who I strongly believe is one of the funniest men working in the entertainment industry today. When Ricky is on the scene, you never know what’s going to happen; he is not afraid to say anything at any time to get a laugh, censors or other people in the room be damned, and I love that about him. While there were some great moments of comedy, including some great jokes about the whole Leno/Conan debacle (and for the official record: I’m with CoCo), the night was not as funny as I had hoped, most likely due to the subdued overall atmosphere directly linked to the recent disaster in Haiti. Which is absolutely fine and understandable, but the show overall just felt like it was missing that normal “spark” that a big-time Hollywood production normally has.
And a quick semi-humorous/semi-”are you serious?” sidebar about the all-encompassing amount of coverage the Haiti disaster is receiving: during the NFL playoff game this weekend between the New York Jets and the San Diego (Super)Chargers, Jim Nantz incredulously pronounced “Haiti” as “Hatia” (HAY-she-uh)…really, Jim Nantz? This is the next occurrence in a long string of announcers (most notably sports announcers) mispronouncing pretty common words; granted, they talk a lot and the ratio of their correct pronunciations versus incorrent pronunciations is very high in the “correct” aspect, but it’s always amusing to see (or hear) a professional make an error that the rest of us common men struggle with as well. You can click here to visit the Huffington Post’s website to see the clip if you are dying to do so.
Got to see a few movies this past weekend: “Daybreakers” and “Up in the Air.” Yes, two very different movies, I know…one I saw with my brother Dave, and one I saw with my wife Bryrony; guess which was which? 
In any case, they were both very good. “Daybreakers” is the story of what might happen if vampires became the majority in civilized society and humans were the minority; it’s an interesting look at our current culture extrapolated into the not-too-distant future, and of course how things might change if night became the “new” day. “Up in the Air” is a great look at interpersonal relationships and the highs and lows that come with them. It was remarkably funny, more so than I thought it would be, and it’s definitely worthy of all the awards buzz it is generating. I thoroughly enjoyed both movies.
Now for a new feature I’d like to share with y’all, I call it “(P)review!” As comedian Dane Cook famously noted, we all sit in movie theaters during the previews and become “instant critics,” that is to say, we form an immediate opinion of that movie based on the 2-3 minutes of the movie the studio specifically wanted us to see in advance. I think it’s hilarious, because while many previews do exactly what they are intended to do (build hype and anticipation for a film), others just seem to be a total waste of space and make me wonder that, if this is the high points and the best that this movie has to offer, why in God’s name would anyone waste their time seeing the full-length version of the movie? So, without further ado, here is the (P)review of those blurbs that I saw in the theaters this weekend:
- Valentine’s Day: clearly a “chick flick” intended to give girls something to see over the Valentine’s Day weekend. Only problem with this preview is, there are SO MANY freakin’ celebrities in this movie, the preview spent the entire time showing you who was in the film and not giving you and info on what the film is actually about!
- Lovely Bones: I think this movie was mis-marketed. From my understanding, it’s more of a mystery/thriller, but the previews make it look like the 1970s version of “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.”
- From Paris with Love: John Travolta is old and likes wearing a goatee. We get it. We’re not interested anymore.
- Tooth Fairy: Dwayne “Not The Rock Anymore” Johnson tries yet another kiddie comedy. See “Planet 51,” “Race to Witch Mountain,” and “The Game Plan” as evidence of this very-sketchy track record.
- Shutter Island: This preview looks like a winner, obviously: Scorcese and a horror/thriller, what’s not to like?
- Cop Out: I don’t have high aspirations for this film, but what the previews won’t tell you (for some unknown reason) is that the film is directed by Kevin Smith. Plus, Tracy Jordan is in it, and he is one of the few actors out there right now that is funny doing ANYTHING, so maybe this movie does have some potential.
I’ll leave you with a bit of news from the writing front. Tomorrow I will post another blog and share with you an exceprt from my story that is in “Eternal Night: A Vampire Anthology,” which will be released for sale tomorrow. I’m excited to get another book with one of my stories out there, and it was my first vampire story, so hopefully I did vampires justice. See you back here tomorrow for that little slice of goodness!
3OH!3 "Want" (2008)
My density has popped me to you. January 10, 2010
Posted by Tony Schaab in Uncategorized.Tags: eternal night, paranormal activity, parenting, vampire story
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Happy 2010, everybody! Or, as my drunk friend Geoff said as he misread someones handwritten 2010, “Happy Zolo!” Ah, Geoff…thank God you’re not my Doctor. 
Well, it’s been a fun start to the year so far. Bryrony and I went to St. Louis for the New Year, and we have now officially completed all of her residency interviews. So now begins the process of comparing everywhere she has been, putting their positives and negatives side-by-side and figuring out how we want to rank these bad boys. Match Day (when we officially find out where she will be doing her Residency) is March 18th, so stay tuned!
This is going to be a relatively short entry tonight, as I got caught up watching the ridiculous Cardinals-Packers NFL Playoff game this evening — 96 points scored, and the winning play was still somehow made by the defense. Craziness. But I digress, as is the norm around here: I have three topics for the blog this evening, so you’ll be down with W.P.P. That’s right, writing, Paranormal Activity, and Parenthood. And awaaaaaay we go!
Let’s start with the writing. As you may or may not have noticed, there is a new tab at the top of the page, “My Published Writings.” I wanted to keep a kind-of chronological list of what I’ve written so far, what’s actively in the works, and all that jazz, so that is the easy one-stop shop if you want to easily and quickly see what’s going on in that arena. I continue to be blessed with “work,” as I was contacted by a publisher last Sunday evening and asked to contribute a short story to a vampire anthology novel that is being released later this month. Another request for a story…I’m going to start to get spoiled here! But of course, I could not say no, so I slammed out a really fun story, “Sylvania’s Best,” in just four days, and the book, called “Eternal Night,” will be out within weeks. I’ll be sure to include a link to the book as soon as it’s available, and of course I will give you faithful blog readers a “sneak peek” of the story very soon! I have started work on my first novel, “Zombies Can’t Dance,” based on the “alt-rock opera” of the same name found at ZombiesCantDance.com. Since this is my first attempt at writing a novel, I wanted to capture the experience, so I have a separate blog dedicated to documenting the writing process, which you can find in my “Links” section on the right side of this page. It doesn’t have a flashy, exciting, or funny name yet, so I’m taking suggestions…anything you’ve got, post it as a comment below and I’ll snag one I like! I may even credit you somehow, hot dog!
Next, let’s chat about a movie you may have heard of, “Paranormal Activity.” Heck, you may have even seen it already. If you haven’t seen it yet, you definitely should, but be forewarned: you will NEVER think the same way about the little noises your house or apartment makes as you lay in bed at night. Seriously, you will always have questions, and that’s the true beauty of this film. No, it’s not a perfect film, and there were things I questioned about plot holes, character development, and the like; the movie draws obvious comparisons to “The Blair Witch Project” in the areas of production process, filming style, character archetypes, and even the ending. But “Paranormal Activity” is definitely more straightforward than “Blair Witch” in terms of the scares and where the story is going, and I think the average viewer will appreciate that. And like I said, no matter what you think of the film itself, after you see it you’ll always have that little flicker of a question in your head and that little twinge in your stomach when your home does its little “bumps in the night.”
The last but certainly not least topic is parenthood. Every day it gets closer for Bryrony and I, and every day my anticipation grows. Our office has been turned into a nursery and I have put together the crib. We’ve been reading books and getting lots of presents for the little one. I have declined to change diapers of my nephew and friends’ babies, as I am subscribing to the Tom Schriner School of Parenting and dedicating myself to not changing a single diaper until it’s time to change my own baby’s diaper. I am officially ready to do this crazy thing. I have seen the little gal moving and have felt her kick — Hell, she kicked me in my stomach when I was giving Bryrony a hug last week! She’s going to make a great Schaab. 
All right folks, that’s all I’ve got for now. Until next time, I bid you a very Happy Zolo!
Back to the Future (1985)
Come on sucker, lick my battery! December 22, 2009
Posted by Tony Schaab in Suck/Rule.1 comment so far
Happy Non-Denominational Holiday Message, everyone! I hate to sound like an old man that has misplaced his Polident, but I cannot believe that 2009 is almost over. But it was an eventful year, full on fun-packed goings-on and important milestones. I would do a quick recap of all the big important stuff that happened in my personal life, but the odds are very good that I would forget between four and seventeen very important things, so here is a quick, non-complete list of the things off the top of my head that happened for/to me this year:
- I joined IndyProv and made thousands* of people laugh through the groups’ mad improvisational skills.
- I found out that our family will be growing as Bryrony and I welcome our first child in March. We are having a daughter, totally surrounding me with females (wife and dog to boot) and giving me the karmic punishment that I clearly had coming to me for being a lifelong serial dater.
- I became a published writer for the first time; more on this below.
- I went on my first cruise ever, to Alaska no less!
Like I said, there is SO much more than this, but my brain is like a very shallow birdbath, and my memories slosh over the side and are lost like so much avian bathwater.
I do have some more news to share with you from the writing front! As you know from my previous entries, my first published story has been out for a few months now, and I have been excited to hear feedback from people that have read the “End of Days 2” novel. I recently have had not one, but two more short stories accepted for publication, and – wait for it – I have been commissioned to write a full-length novel, whoo-hoo!
Where to begin telling you the details about all this fun stuff…well, let’s start with the short stories:
- “The Eagle Has Reanimated:” This story is, in my humble opinion, my crowning achievement thus far. This 12,000-word novella is included in the anthology novel “Dead History: Zombies Throughout Time,” being released in the first part of 2010. The story is set at the very beginning of the mother of all zombie outbreaks, and describes how in the summer of 1969 the undead wander into Kennedy Space Center and interfere with the Apollo XI moon-landing mission. Apparently it was good enough to be referenced on the cover of the book, which is quite an honor. I will include a link on the blog when the book is officially released. You can click here to see the publisher’s News page with the press release for the book.
- “Grand Opening:” This is the most recent story I have written to be accepted into print. Also as a personal point of pride for me: the publisher asked me specifically to write this story for inclusion into this book, an honor that I definitely could not turn down. Taking a cue from the classic zombie film “Day of the Dead,” this story deals with military and civilian survivors who have been trapped in an underground bunker for four long years and are pressed into a tough decision when their supplies begin to dwindle. This story will be in the anthology novel “Book of the Dead, Volume 4: Dead Rising,” due for release in early- to mid-2010. I will include a link on the blog when the book is officially released.
Finally, let me share with you some details about the novel. It’s called “Zombies Can’t Dance,” and it will be a companion novel to an already-existing musical project of the same name. The musical version of “Zombies Can’t Dance” (to be referenced as ZCD for the rest of this entry, in the hopes of avoiding repetitious carpal tunnel syndrome) is a 10-track musical telling of a zombie apocalypse story; an “alt-rock opera,” if you will, created by an amazingly talented young man named Luke Kuzava. Each song on the album tells a different part of the story in a different musical style, and is currently available for listening and download for free at www.zombiescantdance.com. Get it while it’s still free, kids, because the music is great, the story is captivating, and the novelization is coming soon, courtesy of yours truly. I got hooked up with Luke while reviewing ZCD for my zombie blog, Slight of the Living Dead, and as we chatted back and forth via e-mail about the story, we had this amazing idea about creating a novel-length “companion” story that could enhance the existing story even further. This is my task for the next few months, and we are hoping to release the book chapter-by-chapter over a 10-week span starting in August on the ZCD website. Stay tuned!
Now, it’s time for another rousing edition of “Suck/Rule.” This is where I tell you about the random stuff I have encountered in the various goings-on of my life, I tell you if it sucks or if it rules, and if I’m feeling generous, I explain to you why said item sucks or rules. And away we go:
- Painting SUCKS! I recently had to re-paint one of our bedrooms, the room we are transforming from our office into our nursery. The room was painted a light green but had a few scuffs in the wall, so hey! Let’s repaint the entire damn room a slightly different shade of light green, why the Heck not. I think we went from “Wintergreen” to “Mint Surprise” …I just hate painting, that’s all there is too it.
- White fudge-covered Oreos RULE! These delicious treats are, criminally, only available around Christmastime, and they cost about $14 dollars a box, but hot damn if they don’t have a spot in the Top Four Most Delicious Desert-Type Treateries of All Time. I highly recommend you find yourself a box and lose yourself in the magic.
- Gap Commercials SUCK! They are being uber-annoying and borderline child-labor-illegal**. If I have to hear “How cute are these boots?” one more time, something on God’s Green Earth is going to pay the price with my fists hitting its various parts (sorry I can’t be any more specific than that, I just truly don’t know what I’m going to hit or for how long, but it will be bad). In addition, I really loathe any commercials that feel the need to bastardize Christmas Carols in an attempt to be witty and self-referential, so let’s expand this one to include Best Buy, Chevy, TJ Maxx, and many more I have apparently blocked from my memory for the time being. If you can think of more companies that fit in this category, please post them below.
- “Scrubs” RULES but SUCKS! This is a weird one, b/c the current season of “Scrubs,” bastardized by ABC into some unfunny schlock of a show that only makes me smile when an original cast member is on screen (which is growing fewer and more far between), definitely sucks, but the “classic” episodes from the first five seasons are still some of the funniest stuff out there. If you haven’t seen any episodes of the newest season, save yourself the heartache of watching the new cast of med school students try to take over this sinking ship, because it just ain’t happening. I firmly believe that God will look down and smile slightly when this show is officially and mercifully cancelled.
- Jane Lynch RULES! She is just an amazing actress who can seemingly do it all. Not much else to say here, except that if you aren’t watching “Glee,” you are missing a special part inside of you that you may have never even knew you had.
- Curling RULES! The Winter Olympics start soon, and I cannot wait to tune into NBC, CNBC, NBC Universal, USA Network, MSNBC, and Bravo to see all the oddly-entertaining curling action. When I first became enamored with this quirky sport of sliding 42-pound rocks down a sheet of ice towards a bulls-eye during the 2006 Winter Olympics, I didn’t really know much about it; now four years later, I have read “Curling for Dummies” (yes, it exists), have a curling game on my Wii, and have played the actual game a few times at the ice rink in downtown Indy with the Circle City Curling Club. February 16th, people, mark those calendars: that’s the date of the first curling game of the Olympics. What has two thumbs and is excited to see some Olympic curling? THIS GUY!!!! (Imagine me pointing at myself with my thumbs, it makes slightly more sense that way.)
Thus concludes this exciting round of “Suck/Rule.” I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I have. This will also bring to a close this ridiculously long blog entry, if you are still reading this, I salute you, sir or madam. You must be really, really, really, really…bored. I envy you.
*= this is just an estimate, of course, but I actually think it’s a fairly accurate one, unlike my bajillions of other estimates.
**=I obviously cannot back up this claim with any facts, but c’mon, you’ve seen that commercial…don’t you think that just off-camera, there are some very overbearing parents with scarves tied around their necks just waiting to beat a kid for not acting enthusiastic enough? Somewhere, pageant parents are jealous of the level of attention this commercial is bringing these kids.
Flight of the Conchords (2007)
Some, minus that, plus none. November 10, 2009
Posted by Tony Schaab in Excerpts from my published writings.3 comments
It’s happened.
It’s finally happened.
The day we have all been waiting for, with breathless anticipation, has at long last arrived. And by “we,” of course, I mean “me.”
The book my short story is in has finally been published and is available for widespread consumption! Whoo-hoo!
“End of Days 2: An Apocalyptic Anthology,” was released to the world this past weekend. My short story, “The Nuances of Disassembly,” is contained in the 240-some-page collection of tales. I have not yet had the pleasure of seeing or reading the book, as my copy from the publisher is apparently still en route to me.
Click here to see (and buy! Buy! BUY!) the book on Amazon. I cannot vouch for which of your local bookstores may be carrying this book on it’s shelves, but really, isn’t buying stuff from the interweb easier anyhow?
I have a special treat for you, my faithful blog reader. Below, you can read the opening paragraphs of my story, to get a taste for what you might find in the book. A few disclaimers: not having seen the book yet, I cannot say what the tone of the other stories contained in the book might be, although judging from the title, odds are good they will be centered around the continued non-existence of the world; also, what you are about to read below is from “my” version of the story, and I cannot speak to what (if any) edits the editor of the book may have made for the “finished” product.
That all having been said…enjoy the opening paragraphs of “The Nuances of Disassembly,” my first-ever writing to see wide-release physical print!
This is a story about the end of your world.
Actually, that’s not quite accurate, as it wasn’t the actual planet that ceased to exist, so much as it was the humans on the planet that did.
I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start over.
This is a story about the end of life as you know it.
See, that still doesn’t sound quite right. That statement only says “after this story, you will have to think about your life differently,” when in reality, you won’t have to think about your life at all, as it won’t exist. That statement is not effective enough to convey the appropriate sense of dread, to convey the fact that, after the events in this story, there are no more humans left alive. None. Zero. Zilch. Some, minus that, plus none. Okay, let me try it again.
This is a story about the end of humankind.
That’s better, I suppose, although it still leaves open the option of other living things surviving. Which is possible, I guess, as we haven’t gotten to the last lines of the story yet and, who knows, I could surprise you. But that statement does definitively tell you that humans won’t survive, and that is essentially the main point that I am trying to convey.
Wow, telling you that you’re all going to die is hard! Okay, now that all of that nonsense is out of the way, I am going to tell you the story.
The story begins on a normal day on Earth. Depending whereabouts on the planet you are, the sun is either shining, hid behind clouds, or not out at all. Let’s start with California, as so many stories do. Its 2:02am in California, and most of the United States is asleep, resting up for a big day ahead which is sure to be full of various activities that will remind everyone of the fact that the USA is still a cocky, supreme world power which thinks it can handle anything anyone throws at it. And today, of course, they are totally and utterly wrong.
End of Days 2: An Apocalyptic Anthology
Don’t mind me, I’m just a parasite on your brain. October 29, 2009
Posted by Tony Schaab in Uncategorized.1 comment so far
This evening I had the opportunity to flip through the TV channels (after The Office and 30 Rock ended, of course) and I landed on the Versus network, which was showing a UFL football game. For those of you unfamiliar with the UFL (and I suspect that’s about 98.5% of you reading this), it’s a new football “league” started this year to try and give football fans an alternative to the NFL. I use the term “league” extremely loosely, as there are only 4 teams right now, they are playing a whopping six-game regular season, with all games on Thursday nights and the “championship” game on Thanksgiving night.
It’s an interesting concept, in theory, and Lord knows I or any other red-blooded American man shouldn’t have anything against watching more professional football. Here’s the kicker, though: this clusterfunk of nonsense barely even qualifies as professional-grade play, and even that title is questionable. Now, granted, I only watched about a quarter and a half of this game between the New York Sentinels (more on them and their very poor choice of scheduling games in a moment) and the California Redwoods (replete in their lime-green jerseys that they must be borrowing from the Seattle Seahawks), but that’s all I really needed to see. Terrible play calling, quarterbacks missing wide-open receivers, receivers and tight ends running the wrong routes, just general disarray on both sides of the ball.
I don’t know if I should be impressed or embarrassed with myself, but I actually recognized a frightening amount of names of the UFL participants as former NFLers. Former Jacksonville Jaguar Quinn Gray at quarterback! Former Colt Craphonso Thorpe at wide receiver! Denny Green as the Redwoods’ head coach! Former Baltimore Raven Brooks Bollinger at quarterback! On the UFL’s website, they bill themselves as the league “where future stars come to play,” but they may be better off to change the motto to something more accurate, like “where below-average NFL players come to bide their time until massive injuries or an NFL players strike can make them relevant again.”
Finally, the unfortunate cherry on top of this sad ice cream sundae: the game was a home contest for the Sentinels, being played in Giants Stadium; the camera crew didn’t give many “wide” shots of the teams and the crowd, and for good reason — I’m no mathematician, but I estimate, based on what I was able to see from various camera shots, the total crowd in attendance at the game was approximately…27. Not 27,000, or even 2,700. 27 total human beings that were not on the field or on the sidelines related to the teams in some way. News flash, UFL schedulers: not a wise idea to have a football game in New York City on a night when the Yankees are playing, in the same city, in game 2 of the World Series. Somewhere, Vince McMahon’s XFL is spinning in it’s grave.
Hey, you guys want to see something totally bitchin’? Here’s the cover for “End of Days 2: An Apocalyptic Anthology,” the book in which my short story is being published:
End of Days 2: An Apocalyptic Anthology
Every day, this book moves closer to being an actual, physical thing in my hot little hands and further from being something that I can only assume is a dream or a practical joke that someone is playing on me, because it’s just hard to believe that something this cool could actually be happening. I’m currently working on another story for another book from this publisher, to be released early next year; I’m about halfway through the story and, in my humble opinion, it’s going to be a good one. More details to come, so stay tuned!
What else, what else…Clue:The Musical ends this weekend, and I sincerely thank everyone who has come out to see the show and support us. It’s been a challenge of a show so far, to be sure, but the cast and crew have really worked overtime to make this show as good as it is, and I’m really proud to have been a part of this production.
In the words of my great-great-great-great-grandpappy, “Th-th-th-that’s all, folks!” I’m reasonably confident he was the first person to ever say that phrase. Rest in peace, Porky Christopher Schaab.
Relient K "Forget and Not Slow Down" 2009
So don’t hang yourself with a celibate rope. October 21, 2009
Posted by Tony Schaab in Uncategorized.1 comment so far
Okay, I know the show has had it’s ups and downs, but as I sit here on Wednesday night, watching the latest episode, I do have to say…GLEE is amazing. This is the only show in the history of television that can have it’s characters sing and dance to a ’90s retro song (“Bust a Move”), a classic folk-rock song (“Sweet Caroline”), a mash-up of Broadway and Hip-Hop songs (“I Could Have Danced All Night” and “The Thong Song,” really?), and a swing song (“Sing, Sing, Sing”), and still have a coherent plot line that makes sense (mostly, if you can reconcile the unbelievable fact that everyone in Akron, Ohio, can sign and dance like a professional). AND…the show is funny, poignant, and pretty thought-provoking. The music is nothing short of amazing — Glee, Vol. 1 comes out in a few weeks, and this soundtrack is definitely a must-buy, check it out here. Plus, one of the characters just mentioned zombies. Another item checked off from the list of “Things to be Said and Done in the Best Show Ever.”
Since my life isn’t totally comprised of watching TV (only 82%, thank you sleeping and “potty time” for being things I just can’t seem to shake), I do have other mini-updates for you as well. “Clue: The Musical” opened this past weekend, and it was a blast! A couple of technical kinks to work out here and there, but the cast has really went above and beyond to make this “our” show, and I think it really shows. You have two more weekends to check it out and figure out whodunit!
I heard from the publisher last week that the book my short story is in has completed it’s final editing phase and is about to go to the printing presses! I had to submit my bio for the book earlier this week. This whole process is just too cool.
Okay, time to go sing myself to sleep and pretend that real-life show choir experience was 1/100th remotely like “Glee” makes it out to be. Peace out, y’all!
Glee, Volume 1 (2009)
In my hands I hold the future, but my heart is on it’s own. October 4, 2009
Posted by Tony Schaab in Uncategorized.2 comments
Greetings, faithful readers! I have big news that I just received this evening that I wanted to share with everyone, so here goes: I am officially going to be a published writer!!
Just a few short hours ago I received a call from the publisher of an anthology that I submitted a short story to a few months ago, and he offered my story a spot in the publication, which I gratefully accepted. He had some very positive things to say about my story, and he also had some excellent feedback to provide that I feel will help me fine-tune my writing skills moving forward. The biggest compliment that he paid me was easily when he told me that he would be “honored and excited” to read any other stories I chose to submit to his publishing company, and we even chatted — very briefly — about the possibilities of writing a full-length novel in the future. Ridiculously exciting stuff. I’ll be sure and post more info about the book when it comes out later this Fall, but for now know that the book is titled “End of Days: An Apocalyptic Anthology,” and yes, my story is about the end of the world, but a very quirky and humorous view of the end, I promise you. Do I ever do anything any other way than quirky, really?
Some other “quick hits” on some of the stuff that’s been going on, things I’ve seen and done, and all that random jazz:
“The Office” Rules!: I know many people have been saying that this season of “The Office,” so far, has been sub-par compared to what has come before, but I have really been enjoying the recent episodes, especially this past week’s. And the previews for this coming Thursday’s one-hour “Jim and Pam Wedding” bonanza look hilarious — has anyone else noticed, in the brief clips we get to see on the commercials, Jim’s wedding-suit tie gets cut in half width-wise somehow, and the rest of the office-mates appear to be dancing down the church aisle a la the Chris Brown “Forever” YouTube wedding video? Should be a great show this week!
The NFL Rules!: I got to go to my first Colts game in the new(ish) Lucas Oil Stadium today, thanks to my good friend Luke and his generosity with his extra season ticket — thanks, Luke! Lucas Oil is an amazingly good-looking stadium, and there is definitely something surreal about watching a Colts game with most of the field covered with natural light after years of seeing them play in the artificial confines of a dome. This was Breast Cancer Awareness weekend for the NFL, which meant that many players, coaches, and the like were wearing pink accessories — gloves, wristbands, hats, etc. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great cause and all, but there is just something inherently snicker-inducing about seeing big burly men accessorizing in pink accoutrements. On a positive not for us Carolina Panther fans, our team didn’t lose this weekend, hooray! Granted, they were on a bye this week and didn’t play at all, but when you’re 0-3, you take what you can get. Go Cats!
Zombieland Rules!: I wrote about this movie at length on my “other” blog, Slight of the Living Dead, but I just wanted to say it again — this is an amazing movie, and I highly encourage anyone who likes to smile to go see it ASAP. Head on over to the other blog to read all about it.
Clue Rules!: Rehearsals for “Clue: The Musical” (at The Artist’s Studio in Fishers) continue to go swimmingly. Every day the talented cast continues to come up with creative ways to add to the entertainment factor of this show. We open October 16th and go through November 1st, with shows Friday and Saturday nights at 7:30pm, and Sundays at 5:00pm. Go to The Artist’s Studio website to get your tickets, and I’ll see you there for some good old-fashioned board game-turned-interactive musical fun!
That’s all I’ve got for now, kids. I’m going to head to bed and dream of the day I’ll be doing book signings in faraway, exotic locations — look out Wichita, here I come!
Hot Leg "Red Light Fever" 2009
I’m not street, but I do what I gotta do. September 17, 2009
Posted by Tony Schaab in Uncategorized.add a comment
Well, it’s been another busy month here at Chateau d’TonyLife, but I’m proud to report that things, whilst very hectic, are well. Let’s break it down by area, shall we?
Family: All is well here. As of 9/1/09, Bryrony officially submitted her application to various residency programs all across the nation, and as of this writing, she has already been invited by seven or eight different programs to come and interview. The interviewing process will keep her super-busy through most of November and December, but I’m confident that all work out just fine for us. Also, she took her Board Exam over Labor Day weekend and she said it felt pretty good, so look out work, Dr. Bryrony is a-comin’! In other family news, my sister, Jill, started a new job as a Librarian for the Fort Wayne school system, and it seems like she is enjoying it so far. And my brother, Dave, is now living in the same town as me, hooray! He’s in Indy studying his Masters program in Urban Planning, and it seems like the program is keeping him pretty busy. Like i said, busy times for everyone, but good times all around.
Work: Harrison College is still alive and kickin’. It’s been a pretty good last few months, and I’m really excited to have had the chance to work with as many students as I have and help them begin to change their lives for the better. DJing is going well, too, as it’s been an incredibly busy summer and is going to be just as busy this Fall — in fact, I think six out of my next seven weekends are booked with at least one gig. And right when that stretch ends, I’ll go right into…
Theater: …my newest role, the lead role in “Clue: The Musical!” Yes, the musical is based on the board game we all know and love. One of the coolest parts of the show is the fact that, just like in the game, each show will have the suspect, murder weapon, and location all randomly drawn, and the audience will get Clue cards to mark off as they watch the show what they think the “winning” combination is! I get to play Mr. Boddy, who is the owner of the mansion where all the “rooms” and “weapons” are located, and I get to spend the first part of the show pissing off the “suspects” who eventually murder me, and I get to spend the second part of the show acting as the narrator and giving clues to the audience to help them figure out whodunnit, where, and with what weapon. Oh, it’s going to be a grand old time. The show runs October 16th through November 1st at The Artist’s Studio in Fishers, IN (just north of Indy)…more details to come! Also in theater news, things with IndyProv are going very well…we just finished a very successful run of our original show “Welcome to Blanksville: An Improvised Tribute to the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Novel.” We are now getting back into the swing of performing our “classic” improv shows, with some very cool and unique concept shows coming down the pipe, so stay tuned!
Whoo…that’s about all the updates I can think of for now. I am absolutely confident that I am forgetting something, so that will give me an excuse to write about something else soon. Until next time!
Cobra Starship "Hot Mess" 2009
